LezzBuzz

Confession: I was married for 2.5 years. To a man.

Look it’s not that I don’t like men. I am not a man-hater at all. As a matter of fact I really like hanging out with a variety of people. I don’t really care if they are male or female per se. I like a mix of masculine and feminine people and I don’t care what body these traits are reside in. Does that make sense?

Anyhoo, despite being married to a man there was one thing I couldn’t bring myself to do- give him a blow job. I just could NOT put my mouth on that thing. No way. It grosses me out just thinking about it. When I think about what comes out of that appendage into peoples’ mouths it makes me puke a little in my mouth. Maybe that should have been the first clue that I was a lesbian. BRB,  I need to gather myself. Seriously, I can get so many people drinking when playing the drinking game “never have I ever” when I bring up this topic. So many men and women have given a blow job. It’s like some right that men have. So strange to me because we never talk about women receiving or enjoying oral sex. Think about it. How many times have you even heard of the topic of women receiving oral sex on TV, in a magazine, or even conversation? Yet you can read about how to orally satisfy your man in a women’s magazine on the grocery store rack. Crazy.

I digress.

Since I wouldn’t give a BJ to men it made me wonder if there are sexual acts you just won’t do with a woman. Is there something that just grosses you out? Is there something that you just can’t do?

Spill it sister.

Growing up as girls we are taught to try to look cute for boys so they will notice us. We are are shown images of what is cute and then sexy our entire lives. We are taught that cute/sexy means skinny and slutty in many cases. (oops, a little of my judgement slipped out. well deal with it this isn’t a politically correct blog in case you just tuned in. ;) I remember sleeping with a man for the first time and thinking about what am I going to wear to bed? The only reference I had was TV shows, movies, and Victoria’s Secret. I thought, “hmm, I guess I’m supposed to wear something lacey and slutty. Yes, something that barely covers any of my body.” Needless to say I wasn’t comfortable in that get-up.

So what happens when you figure out you’re a lesbian and you are going to sleep with a woman for the first time. I’m guessing the first time you slept with a woman you didn’t necessarily plan for the occasion. There probably wasn’t a big production with candles and such. lol. I’m guessing you were probably making out and then one thing led to another…hell, you may have even been on the couch or in a car. Who knows. The point is what do you wear when you’ve had that first spontaneous sex and now the sex is a bit more planned?

Where do lesbians find out what they are supposed to wear to bed with their lady lover? There aren’t many examples on TV or the movies. The latest lesbian sex or making out I’ve seen on TV was on Grey’s Anatomy with Callie and Arizona in the shower. Obviously they didn’t have any clothes on. :) On one hand I love the fact that there aren’t “examples” of what to wear to bed on TV but on the other hand this really leaves a rookie lesbian open to a scary place of uncertainty. So where does a lesbian go to learn? What about women’s magazines? This might make sense right? These magazines always have lots of helpful (tongue in cheek) advice on how to pleasure your man, how to be the best in bed, how to look sexy, how to do basically anything for your man. *I always find it amusing that men’s magazines rarely discuss how they can do things for their woman.  Women’s magazines basically tell women to lose weight, tone their ass, stomach, arms, and legs, and wear lingerie.  Is this what lesbians want from their women too? Do we simply reproduce the standard expectations for women?

I don’t know the answer so I turn to you my lesbian friends. How do you like to see the women you are going to sleep with? What turns you on? What do you wear to bed?

I know I’m getting a little personal but let me in your bed. I’m curious. ;)

…on the effin Internet.

Ok, I know part of me should be excited there are lesbians in any show in any media channel but sometimes I am really torn. Have you heard about the new show on the Web that features a couple lesbians? ( I guess that would make them lesbians, huh? TWO women. lol) Well it’s call “Venice the Series.” You can check out the website with more information- click here.

A lot of shows you can watch on basic cable TV channels you can also watch for free online at their corresponding websites. However, you must pay $9.95 to watch Venice the Series online and it’s only available online- no TV time for this show. Granted for this nominal fee you get a subscription to watch the entire season which is 12 episodes. Not bad. When I think back I had to pay a monthly fee to watch The L Word on Showtime so that was way more expensive. Truth be told all my friends split the monthly fee and we piled into one living room to watch the show on DVR. Yes, we are some cheap bitches sometimes. lol

Here’s where I get into an argument with myself. Do I pay for the subscription so I can finally see some lesbos on my TV? Do I pay so I can support my community? I always struggle with this rationale. I mean it’s the weakest form of support right? But then I guess at least I would “count” as showing interest in lesbian programming so maybe more lesbians would get on TV. That’s it. I’m going to pay for the subscription and report back on the quality of the show. A few of my friends in Minneapolis went to a showing at an HRC event and said it was pretty good. (and no, I know what you are thinking but I get no cut for talking about this show on our blog! :) I wish! A girl could use some cash these days. *sigh*)

Have any of you heard of this show? Did you see it? What do you think?

I must warn you that I am MAD right now. I just need to vent and this blog is where it’s gonna happen. I don’t claim to be a gay rights legal expert. I probably don’t know all that I should know about being gay and my rights especially when it comes to marriage, civil unions, etc. This is part of the PROBLEM. I need a PhD to even understand how to be committed to someone because I am a lesbian. What the hell?

Ok, let me back up a minute. What started this rant and need for venting you might be asking yourself…well I received my subscription to The Advocate and there was a great article titled, “Gays vs. Democratic Party” in the February 2010 issue. (Side note: I do feel it’s important to support a GLBT magazine.) Anyhoo, it was the teaser for this article that reeled me in… “They’re fond of your checkbooks- and deaf to your demands for equal rights. What will it take for the Democratic Party to step up?” I have to say that this struck a chord with me. For the first time in my life I was active with a political campaign, Obama’s campaign. I was invested but now ONE YEAR LATER I am not sure if there will really be change, especially in the area of gay rights. I need to rip off a few thoughts that have me scratching my head and pissed off:

1. SAME-SEX MARRIAGE DOESN’T RUIN MARRIAGE. This is serious. I don’t understand the argument that if gays can get married it ruins marriage. Doesn’t DIVORCE ruin marriages? I don’t get it. If you were a hetero wouldn’t you want gays to have to go through the same hoops and level of commitment as you? What do heteros fear? Please tell me it isn’t the fear that people will start marrying their pets. Dear Lord!

2. IT’S RIDICULOUSLY EXPENSIVE TO PROTECT YOUR ASSETS AS A GAY MARRIED COUPLE. I was sitting in an airport and the Chicago Tribune ran an article that said, “‘Marriage’ Benefits costly for gay couples.” The way our laws are currently set in most states, heterosexual couples are protected with a $40 marriage license but it takes gay couples thousands of dollars and legal counsel to protect their assets. For example a typical gay married couple would need: Four powers of attorney (2 for each person), two privacy waivers allowing access to the other’s medical records, two wills and a trust for the property you own together. I’m tired even typing all that mess.

3. GAYS MUST PROVIDE EVIDENCE TO SHOW THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS REAL but heterosexuals can get drunk and get married in Vegas. No such access for gays. I know I simplified this but honestly it’s an involved process for gays to tie the not. Why make it hard for us? Don’t we all benefit from people being in committed relationships?

4. HETEROSEXUALS CAN HAVE A KID BY ACCIDENT but gays often have to work hard to be parents. Why would someone make it difficult for loving adults, gay  or straight, to help raise a child? Society makes gay people prove they are fit parents or committed to each but these barriers rarely exist for straight people…well unless they are child molesters, abusive, etc.

5. EVEN IF YOU ARE GAY AND MARRIED SOME STATES RECOGNIZE AND SOME DON’T= CONFUSING! I did a bit more research for you on the Information Super Highway so we can be less confused together. :)

Gay Marriage

Canada

• It is now legal for gays and lesbians to marry every place in Canada. There is no residency requirement for Canadian marriage, but that does not mean a Canadian gay marriage will be recognized by other countries.
  How to Get Married in Canada

Europe

• Sweden became the seventh country to legalize same-sex marriage on April 1, 2009. Marriage licenses for same-sex couples became available beginning May 1, 2009. Couples who are currently in civil partnership can chose to keep that status or have it amended to marriage.

• Norway became the sixth country to legalize same-sex marriage on May 11, 2008.

• Netherlands (Holland) has full marriage and registered partnership rights for same sex or opposite sex couples.

• Belgium in 2003 became the second country in the world to allow gay and lesbian couples to marry. Since 2006, gay and lesbian couples have been allowed to adopt children.

• Spain voted in June 2005 to extend full marriage rights to gay and lesbian citizens. The measure adds one sentence to existing Spanish marriage law: Marriage will have the same requirements and results when the two people entering into the contract are of the same sex or of different sexes.

Africa

• South Africa legalized gay marriage on November 30th, 2006. South Africa has one of the most inclusive constitutions in the world, calling for equal rights for gays and lesbians.

The United States

In the United States gays and lesbians can legally marry in New Hampshire, Massachusetts,Connecticut, Iowa, and Vermont.

New York, California, Rhode Island, New Mexico and Washington, DC recognize marriages by same-sex couples legally performed elsewhere.

California

With the passage of Prop 8, gay and lesbian couples who were married between June and November 2008 are still legally married, but no new legal marriages can be performed in California.

So I need to admit something. This is a bit like “true confessions” for me. I have come a LONG WAY in this department. Simmer, I’m going to tell you. Ok, so a few years ago I used to be uncomfortable even watching the L-Word. Yeah, I felt like I was watching porn. I felt weird if I liked it. Yes, at this point I knew I was a lesbian but I guess I wasn’t completely OK with my interest in women. Well as the years passed I realized how PG-13 the L-Word is and how lesbians actually want a little more “action” in the episodes. Ok, I guess it was PG-13 for a lot of women but for me some of the scenes were kind of hardcore. Keep laughing.  I’ve prompted that response when I’ve explained this to my friends before. Maybe it’s my modest Midwest roots or maybe I just prefer a different kind of action in tv shows/movies.

For example, I did greatly appreciate the shower scene between Callie and Arizona in the last Grey’s Anatomy episode. Click here to watch the episode. I know it only lasted a “blink” (also conveniently the name of this episode) but this kissing scene in the shower was of two women in a mainstream TV show and not on a pay-channel on cable. That is big news. That’s a big deal. Plus there’s something inherently hott about kissing in the shower….maybe it’s the hot water, being naked, etc. Maybe I liked this scene because I really like Arizona and Callie. I think they are both cute for different reasons and I really like them together.  Afterellen.com has a great recap that may be even sexier than the episode…click here.

What other shows do you like that have lesbian kissing or maybe even more? I still feel like a rookie in this area. DO SHARE!!